Thursday, june 1, 2006

Uncertainty

Sometimes you do something from which you know: I have to do this. Like an admired painting, that you deliberately paint over, to hell with it !!!. And here is such a moment. But honestly, it doesn't make me happy yet.

I find myself in a sort of no man's land. One client took me completely of his schedule, the other blocked access to the instructor-planning, the house is stripped from everything that’s not needed directly, accounts have been cancelled, subscriptions cancelled and worst of all in the near future my favorite newspaper NRC won't fall on the doormat anymore. At every step I take I say goodbye and I can say, it's so empty, so empty and nothing can fill the void. Wow Yeah!

The question is, how long this is going to take, because during the first weeks in France, we'll be in an apartment of which a considerate portion will be filled with boxes. Par allieurs, our financial future is uncertain, we do have good contacts with a number of publishers, but the hole caused by missing the revenue's from the trainings, hasn't been filled as yet.

No, don't think we move to the south of France like blind tourists in a stampede, we know darn well what the risks are. We do not sacrifice chickens, or goats, we sacrifice ourselves and hope to gain a new live. But we have to do it, one that doesn’t search for change will be overtaken by it, so take of and run.

Fatalism is a way to detach oneself from a stuck and rusted existence, even if that live seems so exciting.

posted by Ruud at 2:06 PM

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